He's Gone
by TrueGirl3
Summary: This is a little one shot that takes off after the mid-season break. Warning...very sad, but it couldn't be helped.


**Hi there Grey's fandom! It's been awhile. Since Grey's had a slow start, I have had some serious lack of motivations, but I think it's coming back. And at the saddest time...poor April and Jackson. Also, my other Grey's stories are having updates and soon so I appreciate all your patience. Thanks guys.**

**Enjoy...even though it's sad.**

He's Gone

Jackson

"April?" Jackson called softly. He looked towards their bedroom door and then focused back on the dinner he was cooking. He didn't have high hopes for it getting eaten though.

Jackson set the table with the dinner, then walked to the bedroom and walked in. April was curled on her side of the bed, her eyes closed. But he knew she wasn't sleeping.

"I made dinner," Jackson said softly, sitting next to her legs on the bed and placing his hand on her thigh, "You should really eat something, April."

April didn't respond. She rarely spoke anymore. She just cried and slept.

"April, please," he said, his voice hoarse. He knew she was going through it, but so was he. And he needed her. He was so worried about her on top of all this. Would she ever come back from this?

April's lip wobbled, but her eyes remained closed as she began to cry again. April hadn't left the house, or the bedroom really, since Robbins and Dr. Herman explained their options. And their options were...unbearable.

Jackson whispered in the dark room, "I need my wife." He didn't know if April could even hear him.

April turned her face into her pillow, her hand sliding to her now flat stomach as she sobbed harder. Jackson swallowed deeply in pain, remembering running his hands up and down her growing baby bump. The baby that used to be there….their little buddha boy, was now gone.

Jackson sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to summon patience and stow his pain to be strong for April. "Okay," he whispered, standing and wrapping a throw around her, he leaned over and kissed her forehead, then left the room.

Jackson walked towards the dinner that he made and looked at it, his stomach rolling at the idea of eating it, especially alone. Jackson sat heavily on the couch and rubbed his face as he allowed his mind to blank out.

He didn't even realize he had fallen asleep until he woke up to a noise deeper in the apartment. Jackson looked at the clock. It was just after 4AM. He was hungry, and exhausted, but he couldn't go back to sleep. His dreams were nondescript, but terrifying.

Jackson got up, not noticing the throw that had covered him until now. April must have covered him sometime.

Jackson got up and walked towards the bedroom, frowning when he didn't find April there. The bathroom was dark too.

Jackson looked down the hall and froze. The baby's room...the door had been closed since they had gotten the news that their little boy wouldn't make it long after he was born. They had closed the door to the nursery, hoping it wouldn't be such a raw, painful reminder.

Jackson walked towards the nursery, bulking up his courage before walking through the door. He immediately found April, standing in the middle of the room and looking around as if she was lost.

Jackson walked in and looked around at the soft yellow walls, the zoo animals, the Kepner family crib...each a reminder of their loss. Why was she in here?

Jackson walked up to April and looked down into her eyes. The pain and sorrow in her eyes was like shot to Jackson's heart.

"He's gone," she whispered in a haggard voice. Jackson nodded as he looked her over. Her hair was a mess, her eyes sunken in and her skin sallow. She looked frail.

"Say it," April begged, her eyes tearing up as she looked up at him, "Please."

"He is gone," Jackson said, choking on the words. They were hard to say, even though it was the truth.

April nodded and her eyes teared up and choked out a sob, "Jackson." It was all she needed to say.

Jackson was in front of her in an instant and wrapped his arms around her tightly. She clung to him as she was lost to her sobs and finally Jackson felt like she was grieving _with _him.

Jackson let his tears fall, finally feeling like he could let down his guard. He had been trying to be strong, but April was pulling it from him. Jackson and April sank to the nursery floor, holding each other desperately tight as they cried for their loss. For their son that didn't even have chance.

Jackson didn't know when they stopped crying, or when they fell asleep, but he knew that they had made the first step to...whatever the next step was. And they were doing it together.

April

April woke up three hours later, feeling better rested than she had this past month.

Since Robbins and Dr. Herman explained Stephanie's finding, they had told her she could go for an abortion or deliver the baby early via c-section since the bigger he got the more likely he could do serious harm to himself.

April could never just give up on her son. She was also morally opposed to abortion. Jackson had immediately backed her up. Connor Avery was born with all limbs broken and had severe respiratory issues. April and Jackson stayed with him everyday, for three days. And then he died in April's arms.

Since then, she had gone into a trance. She was numb to everything. And in a small place in the back of her head she knew she should be stronger, especially for Jackson. He looked at her so...lost. Like he didn't know what to do, or who to worry about more. But she just couldn't fight the pain at that point. She reveled in the numbness.

Last night, when Jackson had said he needed his wife, the numbness had faded and she slowly felt the pain come in waves and waves. And with that pain was the knowledge that she needed to deal with it. And she needed to do it _with _Jackson.

April slowly sat up and looked down at Jackson, who was still fast asleep on the floor of the nursery.

April ran her hand across his cheek, then stood and went to the kitchen. She put on a pot of coffee. She needed to do a few things today. And the first thing was a cup of coffee. She looked to the dining room table and noticed the untouched meal Jackson had made the night before for them.

She cleared the table and loaded the dishwasher before going to their bedroom and climbing in the shower. She scrubbed herself clean, her hands lingering over her stomach. A hiccupped sob escaped her and she closed her eyes as a wave of pain crashed over her.

_My soul melts away for sorrow; strengthen me according to your word..._April finished her shower and got dressed quickly.

She walked out to the kitchen and began making a big breakfast for her and Jackson. April needed to eat and even though Jackson had been encouraging her to eat, she knew he wasn't eating anything either.

Just as she was sliding the bacon on the plate, Jackson walked in with a look of shock on his face as he looked her over.

"I made breakfast," she said. Jackson nodded and walked towards the bar and perched on a stool as April slid a plate towards him, followed by a cup of coffee.

"You look…" Jackson said, gripping the mug in his hand.

"Clean, upright," April said, a small smile on her mouth, "I know I have been-"

"April," Jackson cut, off shaking his head, "You don't have to apologize. You can be however you want to be. I just want to be there for you."

April nodded and said, "I know. And I want to be there for you too."

Jackson reached for her and she went into his arms. He pulled back slightly and looked into her eyes, cupping her cheeks in his hands. His thumbs rubbed under her eyes and he said, "You really need to eat."

April nodded and said, "We both do."

Jackson turned to his plate as April set hers out next to him. They ate and drank coffee in silence and when April finished she grabbed her plate and washed it.

"I'll clean it," Jackson said, "Since you made it and cleaned up the dinner mess."

April turned and asked, "You sure?"

Jackson nodded and April walked around the island and said, "I was thinking...of going to church service this morning."

Jackson regarded her and then nodded, "Okay."

April walked to the bedroom to get her shoes and her jacket and didn't realize until she turned around that Jackson had followed her and was now leaning against the door frame.

"Can I come?" he asked, softly.

"You want to come? Even without…"

"You're my wife," Jackson said, "Whether we have kids or not, I will go with you anywhere."

April teared up and walked to him, wrapping her arms around him. "I'll clean up breakfast while you get dressed."

Jackson nodded and pecked her lips softly before going into the bathroom.

She knew this would be good for her..._"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."_

Maybe it would be good for Jackson. It was hard for her to know that in Jackson's mind, Connor was gone forever. He would never see his son again. April knew she would see Connor again, in the kingdom of heaven. It wasn't a huge comfort, but it was some comfort.

As she washed the dishes, verse after verse and psalm after psalm floated in her head like a balm. "_The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." _

Yes. Her faith hadn't failed her ever. This was the way she needed to deal with this. When Connor died, April cursed God because her pain was so great. What God could take away such a sweet, innocent baby?

But then she realized that had Connor lived, he would be in unbearable pain. He would suffer until the day God took him in his comforting embrace.

"_For they cannot die anymore, because they are equal to angels and are sons of God, being sons of the resurrection."_

Yes, April would see her sweet angel again. She just had to be patient. And take comfort in the knowledge that this pain, this hurdle, was a step in her life that God had planned.

Jackson appeared in the kitchen, tucking his shirt in and straightening his tie. She noticed that he had slightly matched her clothes and smiled at the thought. She walked to him and said, "You really don't have to come."

"I want to," Jackson said, grabbing her jacket and holding it open for her.

April slid it on with his help and reached for her purse.

He grabbed for his wallet and his keys and April stopped him and said, "I love you Jackson."

Jackson cupped her cheeks and said, "I love you too. Which is why we will be okay." April nodded and rubbed her nose against his before pulling back and tugging him out the door.

**So a small little one shot. I am so sad for our favorite couple right now. I fear that this will really shake them both in ways neither of them expected. Let's hope there is miracle procedure or something...**


End file.
